Sunday, December 5, 2010

Jesus Thongs

I hope this is not offensive. But I think Jesus thongs are quite comical.

My family had just moved into a new house. I was at that awkward age where you sorta start to figure out what sex and all that stuff means. Although you really still don't know anything about it. I was maybe nine or ten. I did not know what a thong was, but I was about to find out.

One day a box came in the mail. It was addressed to the man who built our house about a year before and lived there for a few months before selling it. His name was Harry White. There was no return address, and no forwarding address. The package got opened and inside it was an invoice for 100 white "thongs." They were these skimpy undies with a string that went up your butt. I didn't get it. They had a graphic of Jesus on the front and said, "What Would Jesus Do?" underneath his face. Just googled "What Would Jesus Do Thong" and alas! This is exactly them!!!!! I had a box of 100 of them on my kitchen counter. Such good fortune.




I did not understand the humor. My mom and dad thought it was hilarious but tried to pretend like it wasn't. I asked if I could keep the box of undies. They said no. I was sad. I tried to figure out the meaning of this, "What Would Jesus Do?" that must be important if it is printed on every pair of underwear. I wondered if if meant that jesus would have to decide if he would wear the panties or not. Like some kind of ad for the company. You know, if Jesus decides to wear them, then you should definitely wear them too.

Harry was probably bummed about his missing 100 Jesus thongs. I wonder what exactly he was planning on using them for. Christmas gifts maybe? Some kind of crazy party? Tree ornaments? At least his misfortune of an address blunder was comical for everyone else and served as my first encounter with such genera of underwear. Thanks man!

I am in no way endorsing or not endorsing religion and am not trying to offend anyone. I blame the people who made the panties for their ill/fabulous humor. I wish something this fun would arrive by accident in my mail again.

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