I was innocently going to brush my teeth. I put the toothpaste on my toothbrush and start brushing. I soon realize that this is not toothpaste. I spit it out and violently start scrubbing my mouth. It was that Icy Hot muscle numbing cream. It comes in a toothpaste tube now? SICK! I guess it must belong to someone else in the family. But seriously the packaging is the same shape and colour and toothpaste. It was laying on its and looked EXACTLY like toothpaste. I think they should be sued for confusing people who are not drunk and just trying to brush their teeth. I have scrubbed it all off but still it's tingling. Me and my numb ass mouth are very pissed.
What a special night. This must happen to lots of people right??? I remember a news story from a long time ago where some lady who put super glue in her eyes instead of contact solution and won millions of dollars in court after she sued the super glue company. I guess having a numb mouth temporarily isn't quite the same basis for a lawsuit as having your eyes super glued shut. I'm going to write in huge letters across this tube, "NOT TOOTHPASTE" to prevent any more future victims. Mostly myself.
On a side note. Earlier today I was in pool with my "kids" and the obese family beagle who hates water. I joking asked the dog if he wanted to go swimming. He looked at me and right then and there threw up something that looked like yellow moldy tomatoes on my feet. Now I have dog barf feet and a numb mouth. Sexy, I know.
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